Friday, December 24, 2010

You Ask Me To Smile

You ask me to smile
But I don’t want to
For everybody it’s a crime
So why it isn’t a crime for you

People tell many things
And they ask me if I know
The love message
Of you my boy

But I can't answer the question
Because I don’t know
Do you really love me
Are you my boy

Now it’s you’re turn
Don’t ask me why
Just prove that you love me
But don’t make me cry

My Father

At these moments when Im weak
I just dont want to speak..

They ask whats wrong
I tried my best to be strong
But I cant, not this time
Thats why Im writing this rhyme

Pain, powerless, anger and the loss is wat I feel,
For my daddy is sick and wont heal
They often ask is everything oke?

My answer would be: "No, because my father will be gone someday"


Every night, I lie awake,
want to change, not to be fake.
It feels like no one cares about me,
Just want to die, don't want to be alive.Sadness is always in my heart,
just want to end and die, just want to start over.
I want to be accepted for who I am,
I wish someone out there could understand.
I ask myself “When will death come upon me”
I just want to jump, jump off dramatically

Saturday, December 4, 2010

My life - question

~My life-question~

Please don’t answer before you’ve figured it out!!!

I’m reaching out
for someone to hurt me
screaming out loud
for someone to break me
whisper in silence
for someone to make me feel
I’m OK
even when I’m ana
even when I cut myself
even when I…
want to give up
everything I have

don’t tell me
don’t say to me
don’t think:
you do love me

you don’t
you just don’t love me
the way I am right now
so what’d tell me
you will finally do
when I’m totally
who you want me to be???

Vanished love

Goodbye friend

Good Bye Friend
I guess it’s over then.
I can’t talk to you again.
You’ve become a friend.
I’ve enjoyed the time we spend.
I’m gonna miss you.
But this is something you’re forced to.
Goodbye and till never.
We’re apart forever.
I’m sorry for all the trouble.
I’m taking the pain double

Goodbye friend.
This is our end.

For Ben

I thought we would be a part
You've touched me since the start
For two years, I had a crush on you
And wenn you finally liked me too
I ignored every little sign
Though I wanted to make you mine
Inside, I was filled with joy
But you saw me with another boy
Maybe that's why you treat me like air 
I think it isn't really fair
You didn't wait for my reply
My love for you will never die
Small pain turned into a heartacke
Now I can't sleep, I want you back
Please, just return and stay
I'll be around, don't go away

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Look behind words & eyes

Look behind words & eyes
Feel the pain,
behind the flesh.
See the falling rain,
behind my sad eyes.

Search for me,
the fake or the real smile.
Because I already see,
the weak girl behind words.

But don't open that other,
the seductive dark side.
Do not bother,
something that ugly,

{because I cannot stop it}

Meaning of life

Allah Is One
Looking for a life,
a destiny.
Making beautiful things with what you found,
you are listening, but there is no sound.
Now you realise everything became upside down.
Fast became slow,
solid became liquit.
You've learned to see things from a diferend side of view.
Make a thing,
make a meaning of life.

Missing you


I miss your touch,
I miss your breath.
I miss your words,
to make me laugh.

To get me through the night,
You we're always there by my side.
Both still in love,
But an impossible chance.

I hate autism.
It took everything I had.
It maked my life so miserable,
it maked me feel so bad..

I miss your touch,
your lovely words,
your drowning eyes,
I hope I'll survive.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

If I was a butterfly

If I was a butterfly
I would fly in your direction
Because I only want to be with you
You said we have that connection

If I had to try
I would do it for you
Because you know I would do anything
To get through to you
If you were here
I’d be right there by your side
Because I want to be where you are
You know you are my pride

If you had any fear
I would take it away from you
Because I can feel what you feel
I know you through and through

*The memory*

I look at a picture,
I see two happy smiles,
Why are you not here by my side?
I know it’s the distance, so very wide..

Do you remember..?
The time we walked,
You hold my hand,
Kissed my hand,
And said: I’ am gone miss you…

You know the moment,
Our look in each others eyes,
You kissed me,
And we smiled,
I will never forget the feeling of love…

You give me butterfly’s,
And your sweet kiss,
It’s your touch,
I really miss…

You give me wings,
That’s one of your good things.
What I’m gone say is trough.
To say: 'I really love you!'

I feel safe with you,
Just hold me,
Its all you have to do,
So you can feel my love you.

We have something special,
Do you feel it?
Do you hear it?
Just listen to your hart,
Then you feel love…

I am not her

I see you with her
And I see love
I want what you have
With her
But my love for you
Isn't enough

I am not her
Nor will I ever be
But only if you would open your eyes
And see

How much I yearn for your touch
How much I yearn for that tender embrace
For your gentle hand to lovingly stroke my face

I looked into your eyes up close
And it felt like I froze
I saw heaven in your eyes
I saw that unreachable paradise

I am not her
Nor will I ever be
But I can't help but wondering
Will you ever love me?

Nativity in eternal affection

Lovely Babay
Your wink was like the exact contour of my mom's eye groove

The way you walk is like the rhythm of my mom's cuty caution

Your consolation is a thrilling resonance from my home's roof

Indeed, you never deny towards anyone's misprizing eye who tries to stun you like a nun

In the dead of the night, you hitch to me like the frangible baby's move in an uterus

Sometimes the way you respire feels like your spirit ignites all my veins contemporarily

My corrosive job daily hurts me but your abundant affection coagulates every injury into a fuss

Your calumniating resentful moods move like ebb and flood in a natural pulse because of your invincible fraternity

Your daily loyal affectionate words resurrect every set back like a soaring chorus

When I flee for your compelling household I am retained by the ceiling of your wall of cherishing surrender

My notorious crimes impedes our tender touch but my armoured guardian is always pulverized by your bus

Your bruises that rankle due to your cruel ex parners
are coagulated by my wailing whispers oh so tender

Ode to the paddekote

Beer flows rich in this small tavern.
I store these moments in my memory.
People laugh
an people drink.
Forgetting the sorrow of the day that went by.
I hear the braking of a glass
and turn my head.
Nobody yells
Nobody is upset.
After a sip of there glass filled with the cold golden beer they rejoin the neverending discutions.
Nobody giver another thought to the minuscul pieces of chrital like glass spread all over the red-brown tavern floor.
They got lost between the dust and the smoked up cigaretts and will be the wury for the cleaninglady tomorowmorning.
The glazing eyes of the already half-drunk people at the typical Belgian bar look around to find themself cought into a new discution.
I just sit at the small wooden table and I observe them.
The hard working people behind the bar run around trying to keep pleasing the neverending group of custumors, knowing that there place in this world is in there hands.
People come
and people go.
Here in this smalltown tavern.
They talk about the most useless things.
Feeling that they're getting more drunk with every glass that crosses there mouth.
The intens atmosphere that hangs between these old walls is sensational, it makes the world pass by and stops time.
People forget

and people remember.
They look back at there live remembering a smalltown tavern that crossed there pad sometimes and they long for another glim of that place.
As they continue living there lives, the live at tha tarvern doesn't change.
The costumers yelling there order, my parents serving them, the neverending noice of people in deep discution and accasionally the braking of a meaningless glass.
This tavern in this smalltown I call home, the smell of the air, the noice from the coffeemachine, the soft yellow lights above the bar.
It is were my live turns around.
People watch
and people think,
but will they ever know ...

Saturday, November 13, 2010


My heart is beating, overload
My throat got stuck, I’m out of air
Keys are gone, the doors are locked
My heart is beating, overload
Butterflies fly round and round
Desperately looking for a way out
Keys are gone, the doors are locked
My heart is beating, overload

Tears reflect the sparkle in my eyes
My ears hear more than waves of sound
My mouth is filled with question marks
My mind is thinking, overload

Butterflies go round and round
My heart is beating, overload
Love is patient, love is kind
Love is hatred, love is blind

Keys are gone, the doors are locked
My mind is thinking, overload
My ears hear more than waves of sound
My throat got stuck, I’m out of air


Does beauty hurt you
so much because
it wants perhaps
to make you whole

and you want to remain
broken because that way
it hurts less;
will mostly bless

do you walk around wondering
why nothing makes sense
the way the tender winds caress
and deep in you

the fragments that you left
can not remind you anymore
of life's eternal breath
and the unfair specks of death

I want to be

i want to be, i want to be
a little girl who is free
Not too small not too big
just enough to be that kid,
no more worries, no more lies
you won't see them in my eyes,
you will see, you will see,
that little girl who's still in me,
it's just an idea, just a dream,
I hope that doesn't sounds too mean
And when it does, don't blame me,
blame the ones who did this to me...


out of words
out of tears
I've found the edge
cover my ears

I'm losing ground

reaching palms
my smile

yet I'm losing ground

it's terrifying
the sky I see
grey rainbows and lost stars
so I look down

but still I'm losing ground

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Broken smile

I used to hide my cries,
I used to hide my pain.
I used to hide behind my lies,
I did it every day.

I hate to lie, but I didn’t want to hurt people with my pain.
So that was all I could do.
But that didn’t made the pain go away.
Now my smile is broken my heart so sore.
I don’t know why but I can’t fake my smile anymore.

it just is so hard to smile, when you feel like crying.
it is hard to smile, when you feel like you're dying.
it is hard to smile when you want to grab that knife.
it is hard to put that smile on my face, while at the same time I think of ways to end up my life.

The basic lines of love

There's nothing I would do that I haven't done.
You say this is who you are, but do I really know you?
I don't know if you've noticed, but you're losing me.
I don't think I have to walk you out, there's the door.
I've started to hate the way you make me feel so alive.
I don't need your sympathy and I won't fall for your trics.
Look around, this comes close to nor paradise, nor heaven.
You came back... But I'm sorry. You came back WAY too late.
What happened to us, baby? You used to be mine.
Who am I kidding? We both know I'll fall for you...

Thursday, November 4, 2010

4 Better Days

The train has left the station
and I can't ride along
It doesn't bother me to stay,
I couldn't go on home

The fear has taken me over
the fear to be alone
But there ain't nothing I can do
so I'll just sit and wait

4 Better Days
4 Better Days
Better ways to make up my mind
They're pretty close but I just lost sight.
And now I'm falling down like raindrops
to end up in a drainpipe.

So light me up like matches
And match my broken pair.
Appear and chase me out
of my uneasy chair.

And make me live again
until I die
Make me live again
And I won't whine

4 Better Days
4 Better Days
Better ways to make up my mind
They're pretty close but I just lost sight.
And now I'm falling down like raindrops
to end up in a drainpipe.
The train has left the station
and I can't ride along.....

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Change of Heart
I can be whatever you want me to be
but it won't be me

behind the wall of stone
my heart suffers a pain
that no word can explain
in the darkest corner
of my mind grows hate
like red roses in spring, naturally

drowning in a sea of Hennessey
tears dropping as autumn rain
melting the human been
inside of me

on bottom of life
but not tired to fight a way trough
the forest full of wolfs
I became one to survive


Image via Wikipedia

I love way, you make me laugh
I love the way you make me smile, while you are on my mind
I love to receive your messages
I love to receive your call
I love the way you give me kisses through the phone

but not that alone
I hate when you don't call
and don't message me at all
I hate looking at the phone, waithing for the anoying sound it makes receiving a call
But right now the worst of all
I hate the feeling that you don't have a clue at all


Image via Wikipedia

Here come the serenades,
the I love you’s and the flowers
Here comes his touch
as he calls me his princess.

Here he pops the question,
hands me his beautiful ring
Here I am supposed to believe
in a fairy tale, a childhood dream.

Here he asks to trust him
to lay my life in his hands
Here he hopes for our happy ending
So here, we say goodbye.

Here you thought we had forever
and that I was completely yours
Here the truth at last unraveled:
It was a fling, and nothing more.

Saturday, October 30, 2010


Deze heb ik gekregen van mijn liefste

In the endless seas of time
I see eyes shining like a blinding sun
staring into a gazing haze
I see new worlds opening
ensnaring me, entrapping you

Image via Wikipedia

Rivers of time, taking countless of curves
into thousands of directions
Without nerves, I throw myself into you
ripping myself apart,
reconnecting in all my complexions
to open up my heart

Fighting the strings of fate
I reground my thoughts
reshape to recreate oneself
to my former self
given up the resistance
remolded by you
I see myself coming back to thee

Image via Wikipedia

I reinstate myself next to you
refoccusing on the the collections
of my true emotions
Embracing my existence
like the universe, the earth
the earth, the oceans
arranging from emotion to thought
everything into its righteous place,

(for) Eternity
Where I is you and you is me
I remain,
the sun, the sea, the sky
in you

Reporting my reality

Image via Wikipedia
I'm just reporting my reality,
although there are some things I cannot except
With bowed head I stagger to these things around,
knowing that sometimes one is not enough to make a change
One is not enough to make a lost nature to be found

I'm just reporting my reality,
which isn't so great after all
When I compare all the good to the bad,
I know that whoever created us in the end,
failed at being a good person or had just given up by being sad

I'm just reporting my reality,
with people who have the wrong power or behaviour
People who don't ever get any respect from me
I am only a number in this big, big world
where I can put a signature on a piece of paper that says "I don't agree"

I'm just reporting my reality,
when people say "isn't the human race great?"
I don't always know how to respond
But then I think of all the things I don't agree with
and just say "well, I'm not that fond"

Thursday, October 28, 2010

bad dreams

Lovely lovely lovely man
Sleeping in his bed
Dreaming dreams of which I think:
Which one could be bad?

Then, I would like to be an angel
Or invisible instead
To capture all those bad dreams
The dreams which make you sad.

But I am not an angel, nor invisible
I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is
the only thing that might could help
is to give you a hopeful kiss

Oh, then I’d like to be so close to you
To lay right next to you and say
“My sweet, my sweet, my sweet sweet love
Don’t let your dreams be grey,

The night will be awake for you
And so it will be everyday
Nights always care; they always do
So that bad dreams will fade away.”

But I’m not there now, and i regret
I want to be with you
Cause you can also say these same words
I have bad dreams too...


I had given up hope and felt my dreams sliding off the slope
I had forgotten about women of wisdom in my lonely kingdom
I had lost out of sight my double Debbie's eye with a cry and a sigh
But Susanna's whisper of warmth woke up my stroke after my choke
Her embrace made my suspicion amaze and evaporated the cold haze
Her lively look broke my sharp hook and streamed my blood like a brook
Her daily calls recalls the strength of moms double walls that never fall
Her immaculate emotion she shows me warmest devotion that doesn't endure sun lotion
Her sorrow will be soothed tomorrow yet by my rainbow reached by my homely cute sparrow
Indeed my throne of tenderness didn't appear to be flown and blown by my lonely twilight zone
Image by Ed Yourdon via Flickr


Help me,
I've failed once again,
I told myself;
I wouldn't do this,
I wouldn't do this,
I won't do this.

But I did.

I'll unfold the hidden pages,
That I wrote.
Behold the darkest, deepest stories,
That have never been told.

Put the right pieces to the puzzle
Disconnect me from my mind.
I'm sure you showed me somehow.
Was I really that blind?

Help me,
I've failed once again,
I told myself;
I wouldn't do this,
I wouldn't do this,
I won't do this.

But I did.

I'll tell you everything,
All you have to do is;
Walk this wicked labyrinth that I've made,
Just beware of all the secret traps,
which I constantly create.

I told myself;
I wouldn't do this,
I wouldn't do this,
I won't do this.

But I did.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Dear Daddy

Cover of Dear Daddy
Dear daddy

I've heard about you
Angels took you away
When mumbling was all I could do
And mummy kept saying it was okay

The years passed and time has flown
But still not a day went by
Without me wishing for a dad I could call my own

I'll never know what it's like
Having my dad teaching me to ride my bike
I'll never know how it feels
Asking his permission walking these high heels
I'll never know the meaning of my dad's love
Yet I know he'll be watching me from above

My shooting star

Image by Ramon Smits via Flickr
The end of always playing a game,
Dissapearing of pain
Just te be myself for the rest of my life
Found that one step to get out of the rain
My movie has finaly started with a romantic dive
A dive in my own pool of love with just the perfect feeling
For the first time it feels complete and true
One glimp of that shooting star, to wish…
I finaly found you

Monday, October 25, 2010


I don’t want to burn anymore
I don’t want to feel the warmth of my heart
I don’t want to feel anything
I want to freeze to death

Each day I am dying a little bit more
For you
My heart I don’t know it anymore
If I love or hate it know
Me and you
A future so unsure
I just can’t take it anymore

I don’t want to feel my heart beat
Not anymore
My body becomes stone cold
My heart burns forever more

I am dying all burning
Burning from within
Burning like hellfire
My unlimited desire


I always thought regret was fake
that what you've done was NOT a mistake
But an action of your deeper inner soul

Last night I did something so very wrong
and I'm acting so strong...
But I don't have a clue what to do
I just hope with all my heart we're not through...

I've hurted you...I know I did
I never thought I would feel that way...
but I regret it
I just wish I could take my words from last night away

I didn't now what I had
'till yesterday
I think I've lost you...and that really drives me mad...

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Will I lose you

Will I lose you

Will I lose you,
If I tell the truth?
That I love you,
so much.

You're just a good friend,
is what I said.
But that's not what I meant,
to say.

I do get butterflies,
in my belly.
When you eyes,
meet mine.

But tell me,
and tel me true,
what am i,baby,
to you?

Eternity of these days

If your walking down the street,
if your walking hand in hand,
than think of the sun shining on you,
you will understand.

Do you love the man you hold?
Do you like his style?
If the answer yes would be,
than put on your smile.

Look now at the sun above,
look him at his face.
You will now know what love will be..
The eternity of these days!

Friday, October 15, 2010

A hopeless feeling

If love hurts,
Then I love pain.

I get hurt time after time,
Day after day.
It doesn’t make sense,
But I won’t give up.

Some day I will love,
And not be disappointed.
For, there must be someone,
Looking for me.

And when I find her,
I will not be hurt, no more.
Because the love for each other,
Will take away the pain.


Your eyes open like a blue sunset,

Your skin’s soft fragrance I’ll never forget, 

Stay here with me, your heart next to mine,

We’ll stay here forever until the stars send a sign

The oceans will crumble the mountain shall fall

The earth’s face will shatter, but we will stand tall

Away from the struggle of a world ripped apart,

We’ll live on together, heart next to heart.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

The bird

Every evening,
Summer or winter,
A bird appears at my window,
Telling me his secrets,
And taking away some of mine.

He tells me not to forget,
To love the ones I still got,
To remember my dreams.

My words are in agreement with his,
I will do my best,
I will remember everything,
I will love, I will live.

Every evening,
A bird sits on my pillow,
Taking away some of my tears,
Taking away some of my dreams,
Just to never forget…

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Courage to escape

I wish I had the courage to escape
escape from school
escape from all of you
escape from my World
and be anywhere outside

I don’t know what’s holding me here
The fight to hold something that can’t be true
ended the friendship with my best friend
My parents keeping me to something I can’t hold on
by that I mean school
I don’t have any self-confidence
It making me tense
I wish I had the courage to escape

Monday, August 30, 2010

Love to love

There is always love
when you're down
when you're happy
and when you're in love.

Not always the same person
not always the same thing
not always the same feeling
but always there will be love.

- You should always think about that. -

Friday, March 19, 2010

Another Dream

So I don’t know If I ahd this dream or If I just thought it up. But either way you must admit that it’s pretty freaky. So the main Idea is that there are things in this world that you know are there, but you can’t see and can’t touch. In the dream though you can see, and touch them. Most people are in regular contorl of their emotions, and it doesn’t show th
Another Dream

The Visitor

The knock on the door
sounds like music in my ears
quickly I jump up and run to the door
out of breath I reach it
I wait a second to calm down.
The Visitor

How to Protect Your Computer From Spyware

Spyware is becoming a growing problem in the computer world. A little knowledge can go a long way to prevent spyware from invading your machine.
How to Protect Your Computer From Spyware

The End

How can it be,
That this heart is pounding
Why is it so,
That this darkness is my heart surrounding
The End

How Can It be

Sometimes I just wish, I could run away and hide.
No matter where I go though, these feelings stay inside.
How can I stay here & live each day a lie,
How Can It be

Hate That I Love You!

But you made me fall in love with the wrong boy.You cheated me ‘nd told me lies , but i can’t let you go..
Hate That I Love You!

9.00 Pm - a Poem for Janne

Almost 9.00 PM,
my eyes fixed
on the flowerish
right corner of
my screen.....
9.00 Pm - a Poem for Janne

Artichoke Heart and Button Mushroom Pasta

. Defrost chicken. Cut into smallish bite-sized cubes.
2. Set water to boil (for pasta).
3. Heat up a frying pan (medium heat) on the stove and add some olive oil....
Artichoke Heart and Button Mushroom Pasta

All That I Offer

I have no power, fame nor do I possess the riches of the king of thieves
All that I can offer is my body as you see
For this heart I seek no power, fame or riches but simply love
That is the fulfillment this life requiers
That is all but it is enough
All That I Offer


Everyday a new moodswing.
One day i'm happy and i sing,
The other day i feel bad
And the things i sing are sad.
But when i feel allright
And i am not in a fight

Salmon Veggie Bake

. Rinse fish; pat dry with paper towels. Cut into serving-size pieces. Set aside. In a small saucepan cook carrots, covered, in a small amount of boiling water for 2 minutes. Drain and set aside. Tear off enough foil to make a double layered “packet” for each serving.
2. In a large bowl c.......
Salmon Veggie Bake


now, i am all alone

far, far away from my home

it seems that i’m in a fantasy room

will it bring me fun, or will it bring me doom?

i look around, but the only things i fi....

In Memory of The School Shooting

Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told his friends that it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great crack.
Mommy, I was a good girl, I
In Memory of The School Shooting

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Why Can't I Tell You?

I finally closed the book of love
Nothing could make me care anymore
Wont waste my time on another whore
Everyone has a moment when they’ve had enough
Why Can't I Tell You?

Pacific Rim Stir Fry

1. Cook rice and keep warm.
2. Cut chicken into thin, bite-size strips. For sauce, combine broth, soy sauce, dried basil, cornstarch, chile
Pacific Rim Stir Fry

Tell Me

My feelings for you are real,
You don’t let me cold as steel.
Love me
Hold me
Kiss me
Touch me
Loving you, stings like a bee,
Let me be,
Tell Me

Together Forever

I feel the pain inside me.
When I see you stumble and fall.
Where do we belong, do you still believe?,
In a place for you and me.
Together Forever

Down on My Knees

Down on my knees
I beg you
but you don’t seem to hear it
you just smile
you pick me up very carefully
then you lay me down on the bed.

Down on My Knees

Loving You Till I Die

I wish I could say
that I would stay
forever with you
But that means
I have to promise something
I might can not make true
Loving You Till I Die

Grim Reaper

Grim ReaperThe grim reaper stands before me

enticing me to come with

promising better things

on “the other side”

Peter, at the gates of heaven

tells me; “it’s fine

to have desires
Grim Reaper

Why is My Computer So Slow?

Why is your computer running slow? It could be due to a number of issues, but in the end it’s either a software or hardware related issue. The big culprits are file fragmentation, spyware, and not enough RAM in your computer.
Why is My Computer So Slow?

Run Away Fire Truck

No something terrible has happened. I’m in the hospital. Everybody, including me jumped off the fire truck while it was driving down the road, and it hit a lot of people. I love dreams. They are freaking cool.
Run Away Fire Truck