You Ask Me To Smile

Smile

You ask me to smile
But I don’t want to
For everybody it’s a crime
So why it isn’t a crime for you

People tell many things
And they ask me if I know
The love message
Of you my boy

But I can't answer the question
Because I don’t know
Do you really love me
Are you my boy

Now it’s you’re turn
Don’t ask me why
Just prove that you love me
But don’t make me cry

My Father

Father

At these moments when Im weak
I just dont want to speak..

They ask whats wrong
I tried my best to be strong
But I cant, not this time
Thats why Im writing this rhyme

Pain, powerless, anger and the loss is wat I feel,
For my daddy is sick and wont heal
They often ask is everything oke?

My answer would be: "No, because my father will be gone someday"

Awake

Every night, I lie awake,
want to change, not to be fake.
It feels like no one cares about me,
Just want to die, don't want to be alive.Sadness is always in my heart,
just want to end and die, just want to start over.
I want to be accepted for who I am,
I wish someone out there could understand.
I ask myself “When will death come upon me”
I just want to jump, jump off dramatically

Vanished love

Goodbye friend

Good Bye Friend

I guess it’s over then.
I can’t talk to you again.
You’ve become a friend.
I’ve enjoyed the time we spend.
I’m gonna miss you.
But this is something you’re forced to.
Goodbye and till never.
We’re apart forever.
I’m sorry for all the trouble.
I’m taking the pain double

.
Goodbye friend.
This is our end.

For Ben

I thought we would be a part
You've touched me since the start
For two years, I had a crush on you
And wenn you finally liked me too
I ignored every little sign
Though I wanted to make you mine
Inside, I was filled with joy
But you saw me with another boy
Maybe that's why you treat me like air 

I think it isn't really fair
You didn't wait for my reply
My love for you will never die
Small pain turned into a heartacke
Now I can't sleep, I want you back
Please, just return and stay
I'll be around, don't go away

Look behind words & eyes

Look behind words & eyes
Feel the pain,
behind the flesh.
See the falling rain,
behind my sad eyes.

Search for me,
the fake or the real smile.
Because I already see,
the weak girl behind words.

But don't open that other,
the seductive dark side.
Do not bother,
something that ugly,

{because I cannot stop it}

Missing you

Love

I miss your touch,
I miss your breath.
I miss your words,
to make me laugh.

To get me through the night,
You we're always there by my side.
Both still in love,
But an impossible chance.

I hate autism.
It took everything I had.
It maked my life so miserable,
it maked me feel so bad..

I miss your touch,
your lovely words,
your drowning eyes,
I hope I'll survive.

*The memory*

I look at a picture,
I see two happy smiles,
Why are you not here by my side?
I know it’s the distance, so very wide..

Do you remember..?
The time we walked,
You hold my hand,
Kissed my hand,
And said: I’ am gone miss you…

You know the moment,
Our look in each others eyes,
You kissed me,
And we smiled,
I will never forget the feeling of love…

You give me butterfly’s,
And your sweet kiss,
It’s your touch,
I really miss…

You give me wings,
That’s one of your good things.
What I’m gone say is trough.
To say: 'I really love you!'

I feel safe with you,
Just hold me,
Its all you have to do,
So you can feel my love you.

We have something special,
Do you feel it?
Do you hear it?
Just listen to your hart,
Then you feel love…

I am not her

I see you with her
And I see love
I want what you have
With her
But my love for you
Isn't enough

I am not her
Nor will I ever be
But only if you would open your eyes
And see

How much I yearn for your touch
How much I yearn for that tender embrace
For your gentle hand to lovingly stroke my face

I looked into your eyes up close
And it felt like I froze
I saw heaven in your eyes
I saw that unreachable paradise

I am not her
Nor will I ever be
But I can't help but wondering
Will you ever love me?

Nativity in eternal affection

Lovely Babay

Your wink was like the exact contour of my mom's eye groove

The way you walk is like the rhythm of my mom's cuty caution

Your consolation is a thrilling resonance from my home's roof

Indeed, you never deny towards anyone's misprizing eye who tries to stun you like a nun

In the dead of the night, you hitch to me like the frangible baby's move in an uterus

Sometimes the way you respire feels like your spirit ignites all my veins contemporarily

My corrosive job daily hurts me but your abundant affection coagulates every injury into a fuss

Your calumniating resentful moods move like ebb and flood in a natural pulse because of your invincible fraternity

Your daily loyal affectionate words resurrect every set back like a soaring chorus

When I flee for your compelling household I am retained by the ceiling of your wall of cherishing surrender

My notorious crimes impedes our tender touch but my armoured guardian is always pulverized by your bus

Your bruises that rankle due to your cruel ex parners
are coagulated by my wailing whispers oh so tender

Ode to the paddekote

Beer flows rich in this small tavern.
I store these moments in my memory.
People laugh
an people drink.
Forgetting the sorrow of the day that went by.
I hear the braking of a glass
and turn my head.
Nobody yells
Nobody is upset.
After a sip of there glass filled with the cold golden beer they rejoin the neverending discutions.
Nobody giver another thought to the minuscul pieces of chrital like glass spread all over the red-brown tavern floor.
They got lost between the dust and the smoked up cigaretts and will be the wury for the cleaninglady tomorowmorning.
The glazing eyes of the already half-drunk people at the typical Belgian bar look around to find themself cought into a new discution.
I just sit at the small wooden table and I observe them.
The hard working people behind the bar run around trying to keep pleasing the neverending group of custumors, knowing that there place in this world is in there hands.
People come
and people go.
Here in this smalltown tavern.
They talk about the most useless things.
Feeling that they're getting more drunk with every glass that crosses there mouth.
The intens atmosphere that hangs between these old walls is sensational, it makes the world pass by and stops time.
People forget

and people remember.
They look back at there live remembering a smalltown tavern that crossed there pad sometimes and they long for another glim of that place.
As they continue living there lives, the live at tha tarvern doesn't change.
The costumers yelling there order, my parents serving them, the neverending noice of people in deep discution and accasionally the braking of a meaningless glass.
This tavern in this smalltown I call home, the smell of the air, the noice from the coffeemachine, the soft yellow lights above the bar.
It is were my live turns around.
People watch
and people think,
but will they ever know ...

specks

Does beauty hurt you

so much because

it wants perhaps

to make you whole

and you want to remain

broken because that way

it hurts less;

will mostly bless

do you walk around wondering

why nothing makes sense

the way the tender winds caress

and deep in you

the fragments that you left

can not remind you anymore

of life's eternal breath

and the unfair specks of death

I want to be

i want to be, i want to be
a little girl who is free
Not too small not too big
just enough to be that kid,
no more worries, no more lies
you won't see them in my eyes,
you will see, you will see,
that little girl who's still in me,
it's just an idea, just a dream,
I hope that doesn't sounds too mean
And when it does, don't blame me,
blame the ones who did this to me...

Faint

out of words
out of tears
I've found the edge
scream
cover my ears


I'm losing ground

reaching palms
fake
my smile

yet I'm losing ground

it's terrifying
the sky I see
grey rainbows and lost stars
so I look down

but still I'm losing ground

The basic lines of love

One.
There's nothing I would do that I haven't done.
Two.
You say this is who you are, but do I really know you?
Three.
I don't know if you've noticed, but you're losing me.
Four.
I don't think I have to walk you out, there's the door.
Five.
I've started to hate the way you make me feel so alive.
Six.
I don't need your sympathy and I won't fall for your trics.
Seven.
Look around, this comes close to nor paradise, nor heaven.
Eight.
You came back... But I'm sorry. You came back WAY too late.
Nine.
What happened to us, baby? You used to be mine.
Ten.
Who am I kidding? We both know I'll fall for you...
over
and
over

again.

4 Better Days

The train has left the station
and I can't ride along
It doesn't bother me to stay,
I couldn't go on home

The fear has taken me over
the fear to be alone
But there ain't nothing I can do
so I'll just sit and wait

4 Better Days
4 Better Days
Better ways to make up my mind
They're pretty close but I just lost sight.
And now I'm falling down like raindrops
to end up in a drainpipe.

So light me up like matches
And match my broken pair.
Appear and chase me out
of my uneasy chair.

And make me live again
until I die
Make me live again
And I won't whine

4 Better Days
4 Better Days
Better ways to make up my mind
They're pretty close but I just lost sight.
And now I'm falling down like raindrops
to end up in a drainpipe.

The train has left the station
and I can't ride along.....

Change of Heart

I can be whatever you want me to be
but it won't be me

behind the wall of stone
my heart suffers a pain
that no word can explain
  in the darkest corner
of my mind grows hate
like red roses in spring, naturally

drowning in a sea of Hennessey
tears dropping as autumn rain
melting the human been
inside of me

on bottom of life
but not tired to fight a way trough
the forest full of wolfs
I became one to survive
 

Call

Image via Wikipedia

I love way, you make me laugh
I love the way you make me smile, while you are on my mind
I love to receive your messages
I love to receive your call
I love the way you give me kisses through the phone
but not that alone

I hate when you don't call
and don't message me at all
I hate looking at the phone, waithing for the anoying sound it makes receiving a call
But right now the worst of all
I hate the feeling that you don't have a clue at all

Self-sabotage

Help me,
I've failed once again,
I told myself;
I wouldn't do this,
I wouldn't do this,
I won't do this.

But I did.

I'll unfold the hidden pages,
That I wrote.
Behold the darkest, deepest stories,
That have never been told.

Put the right pieces to the puzzle
Disconnect me from my mind.
I'm sure you showed me somehow.
Was I really that blind?

Help me,
I've failed once again,
I told myself;
I wouldn't do this,
I wouldn't do this,
I won't do this.

But I did.

I'll tell you everything,
All you have to do is;
Walk this wicked labyrinth that I've made,
Just beware of all the secret traps,
which I constantly create.

I told myself;
I wouldn't do this,
I wouldn't do this,
I won't do this.

But I did.